It's 2013,
The feeling is not too strong for this year,
But this is the longest time i spent with my little brother,
He had to wait for his o-level result in order to get a place for a-level,
So he went back late than usual,
earlier January,
And he back in Jan a week later,
I manage to do some shopping with him,
Actually i manage to talk to him more compare to last time,
Not sure why,
As i grow elder,
i hope i can do better in relationship area,
Either Friendship or Family.
Stepping into the 20th year of my birth,
I gonna say goodbye to all my teen,
No more teen for me,
I do appreciate it very much,
Learn to share and learn to protect myself,
Neither you or me is going to let me down,
I do have a grey time in past couple weeks
I keep having doubt to myself,
Keep thinking that i cant do everything i had thought off,
The feeling is terrible and it ruin my day very well,
I started to afraid of facing
my result that is going to release soon in march,
I lost all my confident in all of the sudden,
I started to become weak
and i have no faith at all to myself,
And i dont express my weakness to everyone,
maybe i just not familiar to do this because i used to be a listener,
rather than a speaker,
Almost more than i month, i kept myself into struggle,
That time i havent found any job yet,
so i really have a rainy day all the time.
Because i keep facing failure in my life,
The emotional is not too stable perhaps some parts due to my female hormones,
I dont know why my friends
always trust me to be a confident,
strong and of course determine person,
They found me ambitious,
But i dont get any of it within myself sometimes,
maybe libra just always suspicious to themselves,
In this 2013,
I always hope my dream come true,
But in reality it come in the others way,
It really disappoint me,
however,
I'm still figuring out who am I,
Maybe others may understand more about myself rather than I do,
Double standard feeling keep loitering,
I still thinking the best future for me,
I still wondering between nutrition and pharmacy courses,
And i still hope that
i manage to get in NUS or University of Tokyo rather than malaysia public university,
Just wish i can have the chances to explore the outer world
than kept myself in a small area,
I' not sure whether my dream come true
but everything i wish is not a dream to me anymore.
I'm not that blogger type who have many colorful picture or interesting stories,
I wrote just about what I'm thinking,
Expressing in my own world,
keep myself secure,
although i have no visitors,
...................... Just being who I am.