Its 4.06am in the morning, again and again,
being insomnia in UKM countless time,
the first night i never sleep in UKM,
rolling in the best for different position ,
Finally when it is 5.45 am
i give up my intention to sleep
instead i on my laptop and start to blog,
Tomorrow 9am i will be having lecture and mock test,
well,
i doent finish prepare it and i dnt really care
as my sleeping quality is totally being disrupted
The frustration feeling and the ill feeling make my migrain getting worst
I wanna sleep badly but it doent allow me...
Btw thanks for the person accompany me whenever i need help
Always wake me up in the morning although the person doent need to wake up at that time,
it feel warm,
really..
Thanks for being all this while,
Truly appreciate it very much,
few day back,
all of the sudden,
i discover the best word is not I need you,
The best word is the word is I will take care of you,
It sounds normal and simply but this is the most powerful words in word,
It touches deeply into the heart,
thank you,
alway be good to me,
but somehow,
it good for keeping it a distance
a security for prolong the relation,
Drowning into the water,
I let myself drown but feel sick of it,
It leaves to the heart,
let it be what it wanna be
endless night....
Tuesday, 23 December 2014
Wednesday, 19 November 2014
recently
When you enter a deep deep depression mood,
whatever cant make u feel better but just feeling wanna escape,
away from all rumors and burden
away from all kind of mixed feeling
I need some fresh air to breath,
i need some space to keep calm
dont awake me
me never to be truth now,
adding on many disbelieve
adding up many impurities
i dont want to do anything
i dont feel to speak any word
till a person who i willingly to
many stresses of unknown
many fear to be hide
many words of frustration to be kept
deep inside my heart
Form a unhappy me
searching for a me
previous me
a happy me
whatever cant make u feel better but just feeling wanna escape,
away from all rumors and burden
away from all kind of mixed feeling
I need some fresh air to breath,
i need some space to keep calm
dont awake me
me never to be truth now,
adding on many disbelieve
adding up many impurities
i dont want to do anything
i dont feel to speak any word
till a person who i willingly to
many stresses of unknown
many fear to be hide
many words of frustration to be kept
deep inside my heart
Form a unhappy me
searching for a me
previous me
a happy me
Saturday, 11 October 2014
The time of Being
Its 4.30 am in the morning,
The ever first time i wake up very early in this semester,
Lots of things to be happened and where there is pain and gain,
sometimes and somehow
she is lost
Lost in the stability of every single sense and yet emotion
Everyone thought she is forever silence and calm
no temper no fluctuation
But she just human being
she had exposed the most breakable part to a group a person just getting know roughly 1 year
It's not her normal behavior
She cant help
but sometime feeling wanted to excluded herself from the crowd,
away to everyone and left herself alone and alone,
She stressed but she didnt mentioned
She afraid what she studied now is it she can be managed?
Question marks getting more n more
Her confident getting less and less
She starts to doubt herself again again
Rumors make her getting worse in situation
She wanted to hide herself from none to zero
She is lost
She wonders can she be back?
Getting up or getting down is never a choice but is the sense of feeling
Sometimes she is in great emotion,
she feels hurt and this feeling continuously to getting bigger and bigger
till one day her hearts bleeds
And she cried silently in pain
Because her pride and dignity doesn't allow her to cry in front of people
but exception to the person she trusted
yet she is still in the way of searching
the long lost heart and soul
sometimes she doesnt wanted to voice out
because she thinks it cant help much in it
She's afraid of hurting people
she keep silent but she works
end of the time
Worth is never a true answer
Her loneliness spread
She still thinks she is alone in the journey of life
Because she cant and dont love
The ever first time i wake up very early in this semester,
Lots of things to be happened and where there is pain and gain,
sometimes and somehow
she is lost
Lost in the stability of every single sense and yet emotion
Everyone thought she is forever silence and calm
no temper no fluctuation
But she just human being
she had exposed the most breakable part to a group a person just getting know roughly 1 year
It's not her normal behavior
She cant help
but sometime feeling wanted to excluded herself from the crowd,
away to everyone and left herself alone and alone,
She stressed but she didnt mentioned
She afraid what she studied now is it she can be managed?
Question marks getting more n more
Her confident getting less and less
She starts to doubt herself again again
Rumors make her getting worse in situation
She wanted to hide herself from none to zero
She is lost
She wonders can she be back?
Getting up or getting down is never a choice but is the sense of feeling
Sometimes she is in great emotion,
she feels hurt and this feeling continuously to getting bigger and bigger
till one day her hearts bleeds
And she cried silently in pain
Because her pride and dignity doesn't allow her to cry in front of people
but exception to the person she trusted
yet she is still in the way of searching
the long lost heart and soul
sometimes she doesnt wanted to voice out
because she thinks it cant help much in it
She's afraid of hurting people
she keep silent but she works
end of the time
Worth is never a true answer
Her loneliness spread
She still thinks she is alone in the journey of life
Because she cant and dont love
Sunday, 27 July 2014
the cycle of the night
The day turn dark... it's night again..
When day turn dark and the dark turns bright...
It is a continuous cycle where it cant be stop or fasten
u might think it is a cruel fact that u cant control
but yet u may feel the helpless of the human being
WHAT CAN WE DO?
That sounds be a good question...
But what can i do? Is a question or it is a sentence?
It need go be figure out by my ownselves...
An insonia night...
when the time im should be sleeping
But what am i do is im here,
continue my long time discarded blog..
when i finally finished my 2 semester which was the first year of my degree life,
And yet my results are out,
it seems not too bad,
still have about 3.71
but the problem is until now im still wondering what am i studying is the right for me
Sometimes i just feel unsecure and inconfirm about myself
Am i doing the right thing?
However i feel myself getting worse in differentiate the good and the bad
joining the buddhist club in the next semester
listening to many opinion
but yet i still joining
maybe it just is an excitment
A sudden mind that i accidentally go for agm a d be what i am now...
I always feel that im a double personality person
In deep myself i feel there is a 2 person pulling each other within myself
a very grey and despair and a happy me
and my emotion changes rapidly
like what im doing is a emo part of me,
emo for nothing
but i knew the confident lee wan ying is soon vanishing
left a none me behind
it just some expressation
Perhaps the night is too suitable for loneliness person,
the night....
The soundless but unhappy night..
Gute natch..
When day turn dark and the dark turns bright...
It is a continuous cycle where it cant be stop or fasten
u might think it is a cruel fact that u cant control
but yet u may feel the helpless of the human being
WHAT CAN WE DO?
That sounds be a good question...
But what can i do? Is a question or it is a sentence?
It need go be figure out by my ownselves...
An insonia night...
when the time im should be sleeping
But what am i do is im here,
continue my long time discarded blog..
when i finally finished my 2 semester which was the first year of my degree life,
And yet my results are out,
it seems not too bad,
still have about 3.71
but the problem is until now im still wondering what am i studying is the right for me
Sometimes i just feel unsecure and inconfirm about myself
Am i doing the right thing?
However i feel myself getting worse in differentiate the good and the bad
joining the buddhist club in the next semester
listening to many opinion
but yet i still joining
maybe it just is an excitment
A sudden mind that i accidentally go for agm a d be what i am now...
I always feel that im a double personality person
In deep myself i feel there is a 2 person pulling each other within myself
a very grey and despair and a happy me
and my emotion changes rapidly
like what im doing is a emo part of me,
emo for nothing
but i knew the confident lee wan ying is soon vanishing
left a none me behind
it just some expressation
Perhaps the night is too suitable for loneliness person,
the night....
The soundless but unhappy night..
Gute natch..