the cycle of the night

The day turn dark... it's night again..
When day turn dark and the dark turns bright...
It is a continuous cycle where it cant be stop or fasten
u might think it is a cruel fact that u cant control
but yet u may feel the helpless of the human being
WHAT CAN WE DO?
That sounds be a good question...
But what can i do? Is a question or it is a sentence?
It need go be figure out by my ownselves...
An insonia night...
when the time im should be sleeping
But what am i do is im here,
continue my long time discarded blog..
when i finally finished my 2 semester which was the first year of my degree life,
And yet my results are out,
it seems not too bad,
still have about 3.71
but the problem is until now im still wondering what am i studying is the right for me
Sometimes i just feel unsecure and inconfirm about myself
Am i doing the right thing?
However i feel myself getting worse in differentiate the good and the bad
joining the buddhist club in the next semester
listening to many opinion
but yet i still joining
maybe it just is an excitment
A sudden mind that i accidentally go for agm a d be what i am now...
I always feel that im a double personality person
In deep myself i feel there is a 2 person pulling each other within myself
a very grey and despair and a happy me
and my emotion changes rapidly
like what im doing is a emo part of me,
emo for nothing
but i knew the confident lee wan ying is soon vanishing
left a none me behind
it just some expressation
Perhaps the night is too suitable for loneliness person,
the night....
The soundless but unhappy night..

Gute natch..

Part 2 of UKM life

The part 2 comes in a few second later after part 1,
Because i just have special feeling tonight,
The mood of writing blog,
It's was always been it,
I follows my heart to do whatever i wanted...

This time i will talk details about my coursemate,
introduce my roommate and com mate (hostel-mate)

My coursemate is always 4 of us,
A very very cool Lee Ji Wang,
where he is only 19 year old this year,
I need to call him dailou which i really not satisfy (kidding)
But he is a responsible but a naughty guy
as he like to tease others people in a serious manner,
he is just funny...
Next is our da gai jie,
she is from Muar, Johor names Tee Su Ching,
she is a STPM Student who is always good in communication,
a little bit forgetful and used to sleep A LOT...
haha, by the way thank you her for fetching me by her cute motorcycle to class everyday,
The last one is a cute sista Tan Yik Jia
She is 19 year old too
but she didnt sound matching with her true age
she is more likely to be a kido..
She has weird action - she likes to bite people, and I and her victim all the times
Anyway she is a good listener and a good learning partner
she is truly hardworking but don't stress too much ya!!

The First Birthday celebration with my dearest coursemate - Su Ching with all second years senior :)

The first Midterm exam in Dewan Kuliah at night - a picture before getting on the Static exam :)

A very early class in the lazy Friday, having the most boring class - Professionalism of Engineering
This lasting 2.5 Hours - Chilling before the class start :)

Besides them,
A group of first year engineering students come from department of :
- Electronic and electrical, Computering & Communication, Microelectronic ( JKEES)
- Chemical, Biochemical (KP)
- Mechanical (MB)
- Architecture

We are one family and always get involve in activites :)

The Engineering Faculty Girls for 1st Year of 2013/2014

Supporting the Pesta Tanglung organised by my hostel - KRK

The first year engineering faculty that went for a charity selling Carnival 

We are spiritual cool :)

Next it goes to my roommate -  Kelly Mah

She is a 20 year old girl comes from Air Tawar, Perak..

A cute and sometimes insane girl who loves Korean very much,

We can talk a lot and play a lot 

She is currently studying psychology course in UKM and she is 4 flat scholar in STPM :)

But she used to stress a lot, glad to have a cutie roommate,

The best actress of the comnight of KRK 2013/2014 

After that, let's introduce my next door neighbour - Wendy and Shi Qi

Both of them are just OMG cute and pretty...

Shi Qi and Kelly are born in the SAME year and SAME day!!! 

520!! 

haha 

They first time thought that they took the wrong matics card...

A very sweet sweet combination..

Wendy is a Actuarial Science girl from matriculation and the only 19th Girls in block E,

while Shi Qi is student having course in Food Science..

The 4 Block E girl 

From the left Winnie, WanYing, Wendy, Shiqi and Kelly

When the day passes,

I started to love the environment I'm situated now..

The harmony environment with a peaceful members around,

It lights up my 1st Year 1 Semester Memories in University..

I hopes beautiful life still goes on :)

Continuing shinning ans stunning :)

When the time i starting to enjoy my course,

the additional Germany language,

Sehr Gut !!!

Although i still weak in my static and dynamic but i hope i can catch up very very very soon..

When you start to enjoy and accept it 

and not keep asking why ad if to yourself

you will wonder

you start study every single thing in your life

It's all about process of learning,

Although your output is good or the bad,

But i still wondering why i will get into this pathway

Engineering- the civil engineering 

It is a doubt and question for me..

Never forget what my senior said to me :

It's a faith for me to come UKM,

The faith leading me to civil engineering,

The god had arrange for me,

Just let it be.

Undeniable, his words relieve me

A questionable heart....

AND stressful and worried heart..

I afraid I had chosen the wrong course for myself,

I afraid my ability to cope,

I starting to become lack of confidence,

Timid and tense up.

Rushing all the other's learning 

But yet i felt myself still a way from people's back,

Another cross-road for me now..

Another decision makers 

When i get many advice,

Encouragement words from my family, direct, seniors and course-mate..

It's just healing my body yet my soul is still confusing...

Until, one day my coursemate drag me to a big projects...

This is where i starting to grow back my confidence..

I still recall my friends saying,

They said I am a confident girl..

Everytime i just thinking : Is that I am??

Stay Tune...

The part 3 will be continue ...  

UKM part 1

Entering University approximately 3 months,
What i wanna to talk about is all regarding the activities and memories i cherished during these period.
Entering the university nearby my house,
The National University of Malaya (UKM)
the university that is 30 minutes from my house,
a place known as Bangi,
the small area next to my secondary school.
This is not the first choice that i choose but
I never choose for UKM
I chose UPM
Perhaps is faith,
the course i chosen never falls to me, instead i get Civil & Structural engineering..
Engineering, is the area I never thought of,
Especially civil engineering,
physic and all calculation,
Suddenly i lost my faith and confidence,
I become forceful and yet unhappy
Carrying all the expectation from my family,
I finally accept the offer and get into the second intake of UKM.
The university life isn't too bad for me,
The seniors are good and the coursemate of mine too...
For Chinese, I only have 3 coursemate which 2 girls and 1 boy..
It was a surprise for me as my course has majorities girls compare to boys..
It's actually a very minorities of boys
ratio boy to girl is 1:3
The week i entering my university,
I started to participate the pesta tanglung for my own college- KRK (college means hostel)

Next i started to join a series of activities :
It's followed by our faculty nights (Engineering Nights)
I was chosen as candidate which i need to perform with my partner- Ji Wang,
Started to face a lot of circumstances and problems
But the major problem comes from my heart which i do not dare to perform
I was timid and lack of confidence
But at last we did a great job although we did not get any prices but we truly enjoy it
Although it was a tiring experiences as we practiced until 4am in the morning

The 1st year to 4th Year Civil Engineering Members of 2013/2014

I feel that i'm a very lucky girl as i have the best seniors compare to other engineering department

They are Just good and awesome,

especially my direct seniors - Ng Chee Seng

A guy from Malacca, he is very helpful and patient,
He do help me a lot in my studies,
He teaches me if i have any question in my studies,
I really appreciate him as my direct senior,
as he not only pass his notes to me and help me during my sem 1 period,
He's is sometime childish but undeniable he is a good brother for me :)

Next is my second year seniors -
Ding feng dailou, Adeline da gajie, jit ming, pau lian and wai loon,
all of them are truly helpful, kind and friendly especially:
choong wai loon,
During in ukm, he gives me medicine to cure my cough,
and he is a caring and dedicate person,
he even open a tutorial class for all of us,
He is a talented person especially in drama :)

Nevertheless and a group of cute coursemate
Lee Ji Wang (my dailou)
Tee Su Ching (my dagajie)
And a youngest Tan Yik Jia from Sabah

We are a great team, and they are just Awesome!!!

We study, share information and take care of each other :)
The best coursemate ever...

My university life keep on going with a series of activities and
I had a twist turn of mindset during involving in one of the activities :)
Stay tune ...
The part 2 is coming ....

Hey

Hey,
I just couldn't sleep
wondering someday
i might get some sleep
tiring soul and upset mind
tiring eyes but heavy heart
insomnia
putting me into frustration
i just wanna say
Please give me some relaxation spaces

when impossible turns dark

Sometime I really think it is a joke for me,
Everyday i open my eyes is just like :

Oh, I needed to wait again..

When i needed to wait till?
It is like an endless road
I cant see my hope and future,
i told myself i needed to be positive,
but somehow disappointment comes
and i am now in depress mood,
I just dont understand why i keep falling down,
stand up is hard somehow
i have no way to stand up,
i never thought i dont even get an entry into the university
is it because of my results?
But there are people less pointer than me
but they succeed
i still a failure
searching for the plan B
But i found out money is really matter
What i wanted to study it seems i need to give up
in the kind cross station
what am i going to study
what i need to do'
it just like a mess for me
keep drowning
is it so difficult for me to continue my study?
My mother wanted me to enter a better university
and she never thought that better university need more money
change course
what i can study instead of what i wanted to study
when thing come to money matter
it just ruin up your thought
no money no talk world
struggle and exhausted
i wish i just can disappear from this world,
keep myself in a hut
to gain some peace
that all i need now

蓝月

如果我不再仰望天空
是否
我就失去了梦的自由？

遗忘

有时候

很想拚命留住什么

却握不住手中的余辉

生命中有许多的不可能

往往无法像电视情节皆大欢喜

生命或许必须经历许多的无奈和无助

但是我们往往都因承受不住而落荒而逃

失去常比不曾拥有幸福

毕竟失去让我们想起曾经拥有的痛苦记忆

如果

我们连记忆都无法停留

至少我们曾经体会喜怒哀乐的滋味

希望

或许对有些人来说是动力

可是往往的是残忍的渴望

当你渴望

总是追逐你的梦想

却没有机会将心中的梦留在指缝间

那是残忍的温柔

逐渐吞噬奋斗的意志力

多可悲的剧情

或许什么都不要会比较幸福