sunshine in my heart

The weather in these past days were terrible,
eventually i fall sick,
I hate the feeling of falling sick,
make me felt so uncomfortable,
The haze is back,
In addition the weather is terrible hot and dry,
I wonder what if you are in outdoor the whole day,
Perhaps the water inside you body may vaporised,
All results are received,
Well, it really make me very disappointed of myself,
however,
I really swear to myself to start study now for the next exam in july,
Life getting harder each time,
The moment i felt i'm getting through it,
It fails me the second time,
The obstacles is in chain reaction,
Keep going,
No one will stop by to look what happen to you,
I smile while teacher ask me
"wanying, what's going on with you,
you did it very badly this time,
you never did this before, you really surprised me but disappoint me"
The smile seems so weak for myself,
I have no excuse,
Excuses only for weak human to escape themselves from mistakes,
I never forgive myself if i do that,
So I dont,
Reading an articles of a friend of mine yesterday,
I never knew that she actually understand me more than I do,
I always fear of not doing the best,
I felt is not okay when someone is better than you,
Because i felt that I should always be better than other,
All about it is my pride,
I took it too high,
It is the only thing valuable in my life,
That's why i always remain confident and full of determination,
I never let myself fall,
Never,
I can withstand all the failure i met,
Just this time, my heart collapse,
My faith went to the bottom of the world,
Perhaps my friend's words were right,
I need to gain back my identity,
It's not hard i can say,
because if i think i can do it,
there is no way to block my determination,
I guess, i should go back my charming blue sky
instead of keeping myself under a grey cloth,
somehow i felt myself symbolised as a warrior,
The time of healing is enough,
well, i'm back to fight,
The sun i'm back to you,
To search back myself
Thank you very much to Peikhim,
To remind me during my very down season,
I'm going to be okay,
no worries XD

If

If you never give, you will never hurt yourself,
If you never wish to understand, you will be happier,
If you never cry, you wont know how painful it is,
If you never disappointed, you wont get to know the heartbroken feeling,
If you never try, you wont knew what is your answer,
I wish i never try thus I never involve,
Yet I never hurt myself.

the complication

The feeling of not accepted is worst.

It's always been like this,

but i do not know why.

it's getting easier to hurt myself,

whenever tears drop,

i warn myself never let's it fall apart my face,

i knew that i must be strong enough to withstand everything 

but the feeling of being alone never makes me feel better

All of the sudden, I never knew that i do not understand my brother at all,

after somehow i found out that he is no longer that little boy,

he had grown up,
But when he met problem,
he never has the chances and people to express,
Just once i went to Singapore for 3 days,
I went with my family, 2 aunt and my mother,
Actually we just plan to visit my brother because we had long time never meet up,
Another time then we went to visit Singapore.
During dinner, he suddenly talk many thing to me,
Within a second, i felt that he seems like a stranger to me,
I never knew that there is a gap in between us in this 4 years apart,
I never knew that he is lonely,
He is always lonely since primary,
He had no friends,
He always walk all by himself,
He never open up his heart
until there is someone who really concern and take care him
He felt he is alive as human not immortal,
He enjoy his live very well,
He likes somebody,
I felt that he has same character as me,
we both are the same,
We thought we never need friend,
We will never get hurt if we never gave
He want to change his lifestyle,
But a rumours bring him back to the earth,
He is now in complication,
He suffers, he is in pain,
I never knew that that period has bring huge impact on him,
I thought i'm the only one,
I wish i can relief his pain,
i want help him away all this pain,
I'm helpless,
I hope that he is happy,
Just happy i never knew this talent has bring a lonely life to him,
I never notice it all this while,
i felt that i'm a failure,
I'm never been pass to become a sister,
Fail in every single thing is my life,
I knew he manage to solve this all by himself,
He knew to apologise,
He learn the way to communicate,
I hope i manage to see the New Brand Of Him,
The person full with confidence, full with intelligent,
More patient, more sensible,  more happy,
Wish he can enjoy the life till the fullest,
I'm glad, he trust me,
He told everything to me,
He allow me to read their conversation,
I appreciate it,
Take care well, my dearest, the only I had,
XD..

With great love ,
wanying