Just = Being whatever

During this midnight season,
I felt suddenly i am hardly to fall asleep,
I really do not know why,
I always being lost,
Somehow when time passes,
i felt that I'm still kept within myself,
The place that i hide in a sense if secure,
Never forget to told myself to fight,
But i felt that i lost too much in my life,
What i miss,
I do not know,
The thing i figure out just make me almost out of control,
i wonder
if the day getting over,
What I felt anymore?
I keep asking myself,
Being timid and depress all the time,
The silence pass by
it reminds me of something i had lost
What i lost?
I always felt myself being loosing self-confidence
being strong in front of the public even my own family
They hardly to understand myself even neither i do,
What suit me? What i want?
The question keep surrounding in my mind,
What i need, and what suit me the most,
the coming footsteps diverge me into a few pathway,
And i felt myself being complicated,
getting and getting worst in the situation,
for studying so long,
I never ask myself what is my dream actually,
I live without goal for 19th years,
the future i draw in the past keep changing because i never set my mind,
And most importantly i never asking myself what is my dream actually,
During form 5 time, i aim to become a pharmacist,
But when i enter form 6 ,
my mind become confused,
is that what i really want it for the rest of my life,
what can i choose besides that?
what is my option?
Is that the dream i desire?
I'm struggling in the sea,
it makes me hardly to breath,
Is that i think too much?
But my mind cant stop that,
What kind of future i really want to is a question,
People say that follow your heart,
My heart is in a mess,
is it reasonable for me to follow my heart?
Even myself cant make a clear decision,
My brother, always can get ti know what he want in his future,
He always have the confidence within himself,
he never broke promises, and his future plan is inside his brain,
I know there is no comparison,
If you compare more and more, you might get suffer,
I'm a type of person who had more dignity of myself,
I do not afraid of being loser but disappointing makes me worst,
My insomnia is getting more and more serious
i really wish i might get a good rest tonight.

Happy birthday To me!!

This year 2012 is a very special year,

In this year, The olimpic game is held in london,

And my idol - lin Dan won the second gold medal for badminton men single,

He also publish the first book - Until the end of the world 

Actually this year is my last teen birthday for me,

next year i will me 20 ,

The 2 symbolize old,

But i had read something on newspaper,

When you always have the young spirit, you will always feel young,

haha, i think i will,

This year my birthday (chinese lunar calander ) meets the english date,

It's is a very special date for me,

As my mum said,

i was born for the MidAutumn Festival,

I ate more mooncake rather than cake,

But my aunt bake chocolate brownies for my birthday,

Kinda special too,

My f6 friends create celebration for me in Kajang Pizza hut,

We just normally celebrate it,

With a blackforest cake - my favorite cake,

And a handmake card and apple,

Because they said i look like an apple,

Anywhere as long i didnt seem like a poodle as my indian friends said,

lol..

I recieve a message via facebook from my old old friend who now studying in japan,

He is a good listener,

We had successfully maintain our 9 year friendship,

although we actually have different friends, different topic, different living,

We do not stay connected everyday but once in the while,

I appreciate it very much,

For me,

I actually care more people think of me rather than myself,

I take friendship important for me 

but im afraid of  getting hurt sometime,

Something had wrong with my temper, 

But when i feel right about it, 

although you are my friend but i still will telling you the truth,

Am I wrong??

I still wondering with no answers,

My presents still pending yet,

haha, i wonder what is that,

but i knew it one of it is lin dan's book!!

The book i want it for long time,

My mum had give me a new handphone as my birthday present,

Haha,

finally my phone can get mp3!!

It is great,

And a bag i ordered via net,

I wonder how it looks like,

Well, After that -  deng deng deng deng,

My best friends sent me message at 12 am,

She is my best friend ever,

although we are in different places now and hardly to meet up,

but i still wish her all the best in her exam and future,

everything will change,

but i sincerely hope that our friendship can last long,

Lastly is my little brother lee song en,

I forgive you that you had forgotten my birthday 

since your exam is right around the corner

Hope you can do very well in your exam..

LAst but not the least,

I hope that :

- everyone can stay healthy, happy,

- get good result in my stpm,

- everyone will become better in this world XD

Love you !!! 

Argue

Something i need to express here,
Today, it really ruin my day,
Actually is kinda bad talking people here,
But I really cant stand at all,
And I really dont understand why people can keep complaining the same thing in few days,
I really peace off,
I just want to say that,
The world is not fair,
Nothing is going to be fair in this world,
The child instinct is going to be left in the old old world,
right now,
people are all about you can or you cant,
And sometimes because you own specialties or  others,
You may get thing faster and easier than somebody that more better and hardworking than you,
Even that you argue you wont get actually what you want,
It affects your day, your mood and your believe,
Trust in people and have faith in someone is good,
But it is different in each situation,
I think if you satisfy for what you have, you will be happier,
Life is just simple thing,
Dont mess up and end up with complication,
But i think maybe is my problem also,
I need to reduce my anger and my tone,
Next time i must be more ladylike,
If not people thought i'm scolding them,
Actually,
sometime kinda sad also,
I felt i always need to change my character to adapt into this world
But i think people always need to be corrected,
I do think i need to be more calm and patient all the while,
AS im growing up,
But i think the point that should be understand is,
everyone need to grow up
get connected to this world
and not just kept into your own world,
world is full of lot of different kind of people,
You easily get hurt if you keep in this form,
That all i want to say,
Just be rational,
Problem finally can be settle,
fought for nothing ending up to be zero,
Beyond the comparison,
What can you interpret from here,
Different people do different thing,
There is no way to argue that you are not worth it or what
But you never loose anything even you do more than others,
During the process,
you actually gain many experiences and knowledge that other does not
enjoy the process
you find you will be happy with it
and you have to thank you the person who ask you to do the thing,
because you may get use of it in future,
If you doing loose thing, you wont gain thing,
So why not we do it happily??

Be happy

- LiVe IS SimPle -

Life is Simple,
Be Who You are,
Be what you think,
Be glad,
Because you still breathing still air
You are still live
Appreciate what you have,
That's Life!!

September in 2012

- Hello September 2012 -

THE year of 2012 finally enter september,

I always like september,

The 9 words is meaningful to me,

because my date of birth is make up of 4 nine from 9 words,

haha..

However, this year september is hectic for me,

I just nearly finish my trial paper,

Oh my god, 

The question is very very tough..

How could i insert all 70 plus chapter in my head??

I need to find a alternative way for it..

Still have a paper to go - biology paper 1,

But the important part had all screw in 1 whole week,

This week just like a nightmare to me,

Coughing nearly 1 month still not getting better,

Plus i didn't get enough sleep, everyday day only sleep 4 to 5 hours,

My eye bag can fight with the panda now,

haha.. terrible look now = =

Still have a few couple month to go for my stpm,

If you ask me whether I am really for the test,

I definitely say NOT YET!!

Not confident in every subject, even math, 

somehow i felt is very very tough indeed,

Need some relaxation space ><

How about 60 years later? How will my book looks like?

perhaps few month later - my real holidays will be coming soon,

but before that,

I guess i really need to sacrifice a lot,

waiting my vacation next year!!

Will going Bali Island with my 8 high school friend together!!

It's amazing, so cool right?

We had book the air ticket!!

Waiting for the 31 March next year..

Suddenly feel like my life is like touch and go,

When i graduate for primary school,

I didn't contact with my friends until now,

Actually i did miss the time we mixed up together,

But after when i shifted to my house right now,

I no longer contact with them anymore,

It makes me sad sometime,

I wonder whether i will meet the same situation every time i graduate?

Still questioning myself,

Relationship regarding friendship, family is always the thing i thinking of,

But right now i still cant get the answer i want,

Perhaps is my problem

The day is rainy in these past week

My condition is not good now,

need to regain back my health and my mood,

Let's share some luck to all of you,

And me too ..

Goodluck!!!

 

 

 

  

The legend - Lin Dan

The New Badmintion single is out,
 the whole world is discussing the hit two hero,
China representative- Lin Dan with the full medal entitled vs Malaysia hero - Dato Lee Choong Wei,
Lin Dan is always my hero,
He is always my role model,
He is all the time,
When he played i felt this spirit,
perhaps we both are libra,
you cant really understand the feeling in depth myself toward him,
People usually cant understand why i prefer to support lin dan but not lee choong wei,
I could say there is no reason behind why i like lin dan so much,
Actually i also do not know why,
but whenever he played any match, it occurs naturally to support him,
i will be very very happy and satisfy when he won,
Conversely when he loose i will be very very down,
Non of the artist will makes me crazy like this,
And this supports had come to the 6 or 7 years today,
I like the way he played the game,
The confident from him had actually cover the whole area,
you can feel him when he is there,
He means champion, the toughest man in the badminton academic
People always say he is arrogant,
I felt that if he is not arrogant enough in his game,
he may felt timid and unstable when he almost loose the game,
He had a very tough and strong physiologic mind,
It makes him become the strongest warrior - the new king in badminton,
This is the spirit lee choong wei lack of,
I understand he had a very huge pressure on him,
but that's is not the reason of his failure,
The lacking of tough emotionally control makes him lost confident when i loose out some point,
For me both of them are the country hero,
You cant say that lin dan is not although china has a lot of medals,
but the contribution toward his nation,
you can feel it,
when the games over, two athlete cried,
One is because of disappointment, one is because of emotionally happy,
Lin dan is today's lin dan because of himself,
Every champion has story behind them,
the medals doesnt come as easy as you see,
I impressed lin dan' hardwork,
He always serious and pay a lot of effort during the training,
He always said that he is more lucky to win the medals,
but nobody knew that the hardship behind he had faced,
the obstacles and difficulties behind him,
I wish to get the lin dan new book - Until the end of the world,
I wish to get a chance to see him directly,
I wish my permanent idol - Lin Dan,
congratulation to be the first man who had won all the championship in this world,
and become the first person who save gold medal twice in the olimpic game,
I hope his spirit will continue,
The spirit to inspire me always to become a better man,
I will,
always remember the legend in my life,
The spirit from him, - Lin Dan

Regards,
wanying

sunshine in my heart

The weather in these past days were terrible,
eventually i fall sick,
I hate the feeling of falling sick,
make me felt so uncomfortable,
The haze is back,
In addition the weather is terrible hot and dry,
I wonder what if you are in outdoor the whole day,
Perhaps the water inside you body may vaporised,
All results are received,
Well, it really make me very disappointed of myself,
however,
I really swear to myself to start study now for the next exam in july,
Life getting harder each time,
The moment i felt i'm getting through it,
It fails me the second time,
The obstacles is in chain reaction,
Keep going,
No one will stop by to look what happen to you,
I smile while teacher ask me
"wanying, what's going on with you,
you did it very badly this time,
you never did this before, you really surprised me but disappoint me"
The smile seems so weak for myself,
I have no excuse,
Excuses only for weak human to escape themselves from mistakes,
I never forgive myself if i do that,
So I dont,
Reading an articles of a friend of mine yesterday,
I never knew that she actually understand me more than I do,
I always fear of not doing the best,
I felt is not okay when someone is better than you,
Because i felt that I should always be better than other,
All about it is my pride,
I took it too high,
It is the only thing valuable in my life,
That's why i always remain confident and full of determination,
I never let myself fall,
Never,
I can withstand all the failure i met,
Just this time, my heart collapse,
My faith went to the bottom of the world,
Perhaps my friend's words were right,
I need to gain back my identity,
It's not hard i can say,
because if i think i can do it,
there is no way to block my determination,
I guess, i should go back my charming blue sky
instead of keeping myself under a grey cloth,
somehow i felt myself symbolised as a warrior,
The time of healing is enough,
well, i'm back to fight,
The sun i'm back to you,
To search back myself
Thank you very much to Peikhim,
To remind me during my very down season,
I'm going to be okay,
no worries XD

If

If you never give, you will never hurt yourself,
If you never wish to understand, you will be happier,
If you never cry, you wont know how painful it is,
If you never disappointed, you wont get to know the heartbroken feeling,
If you never try, you wont knew what is your answer,
I wish i never try thus I never involve,
Yet I never hurt myself.

the complication

The feeling of not accepted is worst.

It's always been like this,

but i do not know why.

it's getting easier to hurt myself,

whenever tears drop,

i warn myself never let's it fall apart my face,

i knew that i must be strong enough to withstand everything 

but the feeling of being alone never makes me feel better

All of the sudden, I never knew that i do not understand my brother at all,

after somehow i found out that he is no longer that little boy,

he had grown up,
But when he met problem,
he never has the chances and people to express,
Just once i went to Singapore for 3 days,
I went with my family, 2 aunt and my mother,
Actually we just plan to visit my brother because we had long time never meet up,
Another time then we went to visit Singapore.
During dinner, he suddenly talk many thing to me,
Within a second, i felt that he seems like a stranger to me,
I never knew that there is a gap in between us in this 4 years apart,
I never knew that he is lonely,
He is always lonely since primary,
He had no friends,
He always walk all by himself,
He never open up his heart
until there is someone who really concern and take care him
He felt he is alive as human not immortal,
He enjoy his live very well,
He likes somebody,
I felt that he has same character as me,
we both are the same,
We thought we never need friend,
We will never get hurt if we never gave
He want to change his lifestyle,
But a rumours bring him back to the earth,
He is now in complication,
He suffers, he is in pain,
I never knew that that period has bring huge impact on him,
I thought i'm the only one,
I wish i can relief his pain,
i want help him away all this pain,
I'm helpless,
I hope that he is happy,
Just happy i never knew this talent has bring a lonely life to him,
I never notice it all this while,
i felt that i'm a failure,
I'm never been pass to become a sister,
Fail in every single thing is my life,
I knew he manage to solve this all by himself,
He knew to apologise,
He learn the way to communicate,
I hope i manage to see the New Brand Of Him,
The person full with confidence, full with intelligent,
More patient, more sensible,  more happy,
Wish he can enjoy the life till the fullest,
I'm glad, he trust me,
He told everything to me,
He allow me to read their conversation,
I appreciate it,
Take care well, my dearest, the only I had,
XD..

With great love ,
wanying

Grey

It seems like after shifting my blog her, i totally have no comments,
well, but i think it's okay,
what i wrote is just want to express my feeling,
what i think and what have I been going through all this while,
Suddenly i felt I'm getting down the hill,
being like an old man,
But yet, i have about few month to go before facing exam,
I dont know why i behave weird this year,
just i cant concentrate very well,
when exam,
i felt very very sleepy,
my hands were shivering ,
during exam i cant even think of something,
nothing come out from my brain,
it makes me panic,
and i do not know why,
i felt a little bit dismay at myself,
Disappointment toward myself,
A deep disappointment,
somehow i cry after my exam,
i dont even want to face it,
because i fear,
i know i cant accept the fact - the marks i receive,
i just a coward,
I dont even can face myself,
it brought depression,
it really hurt me,
my teacher doesnt scold me,
she understand me,
instead she give me huge encouragement,
i appreciate it very much,
I dont know what's going on,
but i wish to adjust myself,
toward the new challenges,
fight is better than flight,
And
I believe i can do it,
Dont you too? 

Dismay

Suddenly i felt very depress today, a little bite of dismay,
The feeling is worst,
I cant even drive smoothly today,
nearly i met an accident,
What's wrong with me,
Cant even concentrate very well,
focus,
What am i doing?
I think I'm going to Fail in my chemistry paper,
When i see the question,
i was shivering,
My brain is 99% blank,
What is that, and how about that?
I dont even remember at all,
I didnt finish studying my organic chemistry,
Even the chapter i had finished,
I yet cant remember at all,
All about oxidation, reflux, addition, neutrophilic, electrophillic,
All process mixing up together,
I forgot Sb is antimony,
I felt very bad today,
my mood is totally disrupted,
I feel like shouting,
My mood is now at maximum stages,
feel like going to be insane soon,
i still have my bio and math paper to go,
I never felt this before,
All my cell had been stress up to the max,
I couldnt sleep well,
sleep couple hour and study,
but yet i still cant answer the question,
i just want to express,
express all my ill-feeling,
><

Will I?

It's Friday again, the 6th April of the year of 2012,

Suddenly i felt that life passes very fast,

One day to another day,

And you finally realised that you are not doing anything very very well,

Somehow i feel there is complication within my heart,

I felt that i cant do what i expect,

It makes me very depress,

Th depression including some disappointment, 

It makes my day worst,

Sometime i really want to do something but the outcome make my day become rainy,

I wish i could be someone like my brother,

The always brilliant, excellent and distinguished  person,

I have a bundle of works to do,

Why i always feel that my 24 hours is not adequate for me,

Sleeping spend the most time,

But i cant even sleep less,

I will get sick,

It makes me worry,

My studies - 2 biology, 2 Chemistry and 2 Math book,

How am i suppose to squish everything into my brain?

My primary friend is living to japan to further his studies,

Suddenly, i realised that our friendship is maintain about 7 years,

7 years friendship,

Actually i do not agree much on maintaining friendship,

No matter how close are you and your friend,

Once both of you are isolated in different place,

You will be adapted in your environment, 

you will start making your own friends,

You will having your own life,

But both of you will have less topic to talk on since both of you have different lifestyle,

Your friendship will not be getting that close any more,

I guess, this is why i'm not close to my primary friend and secondary now i guess,

Because i always unable to attend any gathering,

I felt sad too, 

because last time we have a great time,

missing the time when we are all together,

I really admire those who able to keep in touch after 10, 20, 30 etc years later,

Will I?

 

April Fool 2012

Today is the 1st April in this year 2012,

The weather today is very hot, neither it rains today,

However, it is too troublesome if it rains,

Today i went to visit the grave of ancestors,

It is a custom tradition for every Chinese,

It is a very tiring work,

We have to walk further up to the hill by carrying all heavy stuff,

After that, we have to clean the grave, remove all the wheat and followed by the prayer,

While waiting, we chat among our relative who are hardly seen during normal day,

It is a good time to get to know each other well,

My cousin, she used to study in Malacca, get to see her today too,

><, pleasure time actually,

But it is too hot, have to bring couple of umbrella,

If not i will be getting darker and darker,

Tiring day.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - 

What i want to say is all about my old friend, 

I would say he is my old friend because we are friend seen we are primary,

Still recall the first time i saw him, 

i guess during my standard 5 that time,

He is a skinny and tall guy,

Humour character and a good, nice friend,

Although we study in different school, 

live in different place,

Just meet once in these 7 years, 

seldom message to each other,

but he is my very special friend in my heart,

Still remember that time, 

whenever i have problem, he is the one who cheer me up,

he always have faith in me that i will get a good results in my studies,

I really appreciate him for trusting me,

the encouragement is work for everyone,

one of us can live without friends,

especially me,

he is going to Japan tomorrow,  

Neither both of us will be within these 2 to 4 years,

I appreciate he tell me that he is leaving,

this meant that he appreciate our friendship very much,

as goes as me,

Everyone has the right to chase for our dream,

I wish all the best for him,

I believe that he will adapt himself very well in Japan,

you will always notice him,

He is that kind of person,

although in between he might be changed,

but in my memories, he remains that character,

I will me very miss him,

The best friend of mine, the longest friendship,

Ng Wei Hong,

All the best and good luck in your life,

I have faith in you that you can do it very well,

Take good care, 

enjoy your life..

>< 

REgards,

wanying

  

1st

This is the first post ever in my new blog,
Actually I did have a blog in blogger before but i was hacked by someone else,
So i switch it to blog.com,
However i found it have a lot problem through the comments dropped by,
So i finally back to the blogger,
Well, welcome to my world i could say that,
My blog, forever memories that cherish in our life,
The results are not very important i could say but the process leave us a lot of memories in our life,
The memories brighten our life,
It rearrange my life and make me a better person,
Recently i receive a few comments from my supporters,
They said my writing skill had drop dramatically,
Not as good as previous one,
I think i cant answer it very well,
Because my articles are the ways i express my feeling,
Still remember that harsh time i had ever in my secondary life,
All about volleyball,
The relationship problem i have, the feeling of loneliness and stay all alone as myself,
That feeling was worst,
I am sensitive person i could say,
My friend said my face is an indicator,
I strongly agree this statement,
But i cant explain why,
Suddenly i felt that i was disconnect with my secondary and primary friends,
I always being like that but i dont know why,
I always have problem all the time in my life,
I still wondering is it because of myself?
I think 99% is yes,
Perhaps, i may reconsider myself again,
the last year of high school life,
i wonder how will the future road be,
I think i may leave internet about half a year,
I gotta push up my STPM result,
all the best people ><